I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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