Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
