I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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