Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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