My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
God I need to hump something, right now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
