My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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