Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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