i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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