"it" just moved
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
please come you make the beer taste better
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
