nutella sex= disaster
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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