I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Come share oat with me in your robe
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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