So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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