He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
