i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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