Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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