Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
