After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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