I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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