Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
