No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
