I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
