My nipple is on Facebook.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
