I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
