I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
