on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
