where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
