forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
