yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
