I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
