No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
