he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize