Non-Jews are for practice
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
