Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Randomize
