Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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