do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
