I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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