Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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