Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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