All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
