My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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