But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Girls should come with a carfax report
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
