we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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