It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize