please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
