I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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