Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
