just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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