I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
