so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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