i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
