Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
