Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize