i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
