I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
