my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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