i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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