Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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