you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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