She is in my trunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
