Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
