How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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