You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
