I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My dick has a subreddit
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
