what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
