Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
