turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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