Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
