Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
