Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
