hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
