Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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