Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
