Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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