Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
