just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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