I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
