You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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