her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize