So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize