You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
