he thought i was a dude.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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