Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
