I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
