Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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