Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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