she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
