Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Rumble strips road head = magical
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
