i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
