just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
