i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Quick, to the slutcave!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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