worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
